Ramblin Decisions

     Often times I find myself wondering "what would have happened if I did x VS y"...in the past, present, and future.  By nature, I am an absolutely horrible decision maker.  Seriously, anything from what to eat, what household chore to do next, which social media outlet to update first...sometimes I stand in front of the bathroom mirror staring blankly at the styling tools on the counter because I just can't make up my mind whether to dry my hair or put on makeup first.  This is the sad truth.  Not to even mention when I have to make ACTUAL decisions - ones that really matter.  Those usually involve a dark brooding mood for several days, indigestion, and a fair amount of alcohol and American Spirits.

     So, I've learned to be a planner...a very loosely organized planner.  I try to lay out any possible scenario in my head before any important event, so I'll already have a decision in mind just in case.  It's insanity.  Yet, it's my daily life and they way my brain works.  I have just enough of a genetic tendency to have a nervous breakdown, but just enough to know when to "Cool it".  It's exhausting but it's the way I (kind of) function.

     This stuff carries over into my music, too.  I'll be in the middle of writing a new song, when suddenly with no warning, I'll realize I've begun a whole other idea and I gotta make the decision - do I continue with the initial idea, or go with the flow and write two new ideas, or do I just completely can my first idea and go with the second?  This usually creates a snowball effect and before you know it, I've written two or three songs that sound very similar and have almost identical melodies.  So I'll combine the best parts of the three and suddenly - one good song! So it works, right? Time shall tell.

     I'm only blogging about this so y'all will understand how I can write a throwback country redneck song like "My Truck", and then right after that write a basically gothic rock song like "Reaper".  Just can't help myself.

     The good news is, I'm actually thankful that my brain works (maybe WORKS isn't the right word...) this way.  It allows me to be wife, mom, songwriter, performer, agent, manager, etc. all in the same day. And I LOVE it! 


Normal is so overrated.  Weird is so much more interesting.